Shopping Porn

NO, I'm not blogging about ball gags or lingerie. As a cheap-o shopper (I buy my clothes in Target, with a cart) I love to read about people who buy hugely expensive items. It makes me feel all superior as I primly clip my coupons.

Shoes, for example. Sure, I could pick up the  ruby slippers for a cool $666,000 (I could  also buy something else with that instead, like a HOUSE) or I could go all Stuart Weitzman and buy sapphire or  ruby encrusted sandals, at six figures a pop.

Would they go with my denim capris? I think not.

Or if I'm just kicking around the place, playing World of Warcraft or something, I can slip on these babies for a bargain price of  90,000$

Who has these on right now? Girl, why do you hate your feet?

 Cars - And here it is, the  most expensive car :

It's a Bugatti. It goes from 0 - Outer Rings of Jupiter in 2.4 seconds (ironically, the number  of  millions it costs)

Seriously? Who needs to go THAT FAST? And where are they driving? It better not be down my cul-de-sac, I can tell you that much, especially when the kids get out the street hockey. Can you drive that fast even on the autobahn? And where would you park that baby? My husband demands a corner spot for our 10 year old, scarred GM soccer mom mobile. We'd have to buy a parking lot to go with that car before he would drive it.

House - I don't know if I  can classify this one as a house. It's called Antilla, it's in Mumbai, and it costs 1 billion dollars. (I had to hook my little finger on my mouth even to type that.)

What do you think, you guys? I would rather relax in my back yard, to tell you the truth. Apparently this one has a 6 floor  parking garage, so I guess that would give me a place to drive my Bugatti, but then it has "entourage" floors and helipads and junk like that. As well as retractable art walls. But can a kid run through the sprinklers here, clutching a popsicle? I bet she can't.

Dessert - I always love this category. Here it  is, at 34,000$:

It has gold leaf, caviar, and a two carat diamond. Plus you keep the Faberge style plate it's served on (for 34,000, I better be able to keep the waiter too. And he must be cute.)

Dude, caviar? Fish eggs are all well and good on their own time. But I don't want them on my brownie. And what if I swallowed that diamond? Totally could happen, knowing me.  Plus, is it wrong to say that my own chocolate mousse pie can totally kick that expensive dessert's ass? Because it can.

People out there  who buy this stuff - next  time, hold back, give me half, and I'll make you chocolate mousse pie. Plus you can run through my sprinklers, for free.