Thursday, March 1, 2012

Singleton Mom

My husband and I had a very hard time getting pregnant. Like many couples, parenthood was something to work towards, not an easy phase that simply happened. And when I say work, by that I mean: lose any shred of dignity and endure dreadful medical procedures. I'll spare you the deets, but giving myself shots in the stomach was the easy part of the process.

Therefore, to become a mom at all was a miracle. My one little child is a true gift.


Being a mom of just one is a challenge at times. Sure, I don't have to break up sibling fights or worry about favoritism. I do have to try and stop myself from letting her be a spoiled only child, though. Sure, it would be so easy to give in to the latest demand (Monster High Doll, Penguin Club, Bieber CD) just to stop the tantrum in the store. Plus, if I gave in, then the couples who have never had children or who long since forgot what it is like would stop judging me in their heads.

I can read their minds, you know, as they look at me and shake their head in the store. Here's exactly what they are thinking: "Oh. My. Goodness. Look at that terrible mom. Can't she control her child? She just needs to learn how to discipline."
Just give her the Monster High Doll already! Or, invest in the future and don't...

You know why I can read their minds? Because PK* I used to think that too.

Also, I am the main source of entertainment for my little only child. I can be elbows deep in a bucket of suds as I scrub a bathroom floor** and my daughter will come in and say, "Hey, mommy! Want to play Raccoon Glitter Hunt with me?"

Well, of course I want to play Raccoon Glitter Hunt! Just as soon as I clean the house, do the laundry, wash the dishes, and make dinner! Be right there!

So, that makes the PLAYDATE (insert heavenly choir sound here) a very, very special thing for the singleton kid. She loves playdates. Adores them. As soon as she steps off the bus I can already see her lips forming the words, "Can I have a playdate with Hummina? Can Whoosis come over?"

I'd love to have Whoosis*** over, but then I start thinking of the dirty floors (remember **) and the laundry, dishes, etc etc 

Sweetie, you little miracle child you, isn't it time you invented a nice imaginary friend? 

That's good parenting if I tell my daughter that, right?

*Pre Kid
**Doesn't happen all that often.
***Plus, honestly, between you and me, Whoosis can be a kind of a pain in the ass.


west_2552 said...

LOVE this post!! As the mother of two children that were spaced quite close together, I cannot sympathize with your dilemma. Of course there were/are times that I'd have one or the other because of one being at school or a friends house, etc. Yes, you have to find that happy medium between spending time with your kid(s) and getting the necessities accomplished!! Not always easy, but I don't think the dept. of health ever condemmed a house for having a dirty bathroom floor.... But you feel better when it's clean. I know. I'm a mom and a woman....

I can still hear Mary's friend's mom (Alix is a Singleton) saying that Alix's favorite toy was another kid!

And Kudos to you, Al, for not giving in to the whims of your child in public places. You'll never have to deal with the adults on a daily level as you will with your daughter. Too many parents cave in and think that they're doing the right thing, but all they are doing is switching roles and letting thier children have the upper hand. And once they do that, it's not necessarily an easy thing to turn around.

You two seem to have wonderful parenting skills. Just make sure you stay on the same page. Well, most of the time, anyway!!

Alison DeLuca said...

Thanks! Yes, the temptation to give in to the howling demands in a crowded store is overwhelming at times. Don't do it I say.

Moms of kids having tantrums out there - you are my heroes! Stay strong!

Hart Johnson said...

I'm an only child. It is so good of you to be so attentive and do the playdates and such. My mom was young so both my parents always had to work... not much by way of interaction. My neighborhood, thankfully, had lots of kids.

As for the not spoiling--I had one who had tantrums, too. And I never gave in. occasionally I offered a bribe ahead of time, but I never gave in once the meltdown started. You are doing it right--those leering others just don't get it.

Dianne Greenlay said...

Alison, you made me laugh out loud! I have survived the upbringing of 6 (yep, 6, that's not a typo) kids in our house (3 biological, 3 steps). Temper tantrums were rare,(mostly mine ...)but on occasion, had to be dealt with in our house. And playdates were easier - they had each other, but there was always someone underfoot!Eventually I came up with this tactic: every Sat. night, I would write out the household chores (usually 18 of them - easily divisible by 6) and Sun. morning, first child up got to choose their 3 chores. Last one up got the last 3 left-over chores,(hey - they could have gotten up sooner...)and I got a clean house to start the week with!It gave them all a bit of a choice in the matter and an appreciation for the housework that was a necessary evil. :-)

Alison DeLuca said...

I love that chores selection process! Next time around I will have a big crew so I can use that method.