Friday, March 23, 2012

Dress Down Day

Out of the blue, it was Dress Down Day today. That meant that my daughter got to wear an outfit of her own choosing instead of the handy school uniform I took out a second mortgage to buy.

This is all well and good when there  is a specific reason for the Dressing of the Down, such as St. Patrick's Day (go and pick up a cute little  shamrock tee from the clearance rack at Justice) or Valentine's (grab everything red that she owns, since she refuses to wear pink. The girl is a Goth.)
To tell the truth, I'm *sniff* sort of proud of her Gothiness, as a former punk rocker myself.

But this Dress Down Day came from nowhere. It wasn't a holiday or St. Swithin's Day, as  far as I knew. So - WHY?????

Explanation: They won the Penny Wars. I have to deal with a  load of  stress because of the Penny Wars. (Yeah, I don't get it either.)

Here is how the resulting conversation went, and before I transcribe it, I must add a few new words of our own house language so  you will understand.

Pwthmf - Huffy sigh, usually combined with a folding of the arms and a turning away of the head
I!Wh!You!But! - Shocked exclamation by the mother, indicating that she doesn't even know where to begin
Waahydon'tknowwhatIwant - The screech emitted by a child who wants to be idependent and get someone to do  her stuff  for her at the same time
Bleaugh - The realization that you are beginning to sweat.
Ohcomeonpleaseletthiswork - The vain prayer, uttered under one's breath, that the tactic that never ever  worked  before will come through for you this  time.
droopdawg - (Nonverbal) I am tired of hearing everyone yell.
#*#&$#!!! - Oh, you probably already understand this one.

So, here how  it went down, and  it started very calmly and nicely, as  you  will see.

Thursday night, 7:03 pm

Me - Hey, sweetie? It's dress down day tomorrow! Go and pick out your outfit so you'll have it read in the morning.
Kid - Oh, okay, Mommy!
Me - Don't forget  to pick out shoes! And socks! And underwear! and a headband! Ohcomeonpleaseletthiswork
Kid - Okay! I will!

Friday morning, 8:10 am

Me - All right, go and get dressed, sweetheart. The bus will be here soon!
Kid - Wait, these leggings have bows on them! I'm not wearing these!
Me - But that's why I told you to pick out your outfit yourself! (to self ) See, I knew it wouldn't work.
Kid -  Pwthmf!!
Me - Well, then, you  need to pick out a different pair of pants.
Kid - No, I want leggings! And there aren't any more leggings! 
Me - I'm sorry, but that's why I told you to pick your clothes out last night. I could have helped then, but now the bus will be here in a few minutes! Bleaugh.
Kid -  Waahydon'tknowwhatIwant!!!!
Me - You have  to figure this out on your own. I will be downstairs.
Kid - Louder Waahydon'tknowwhatIwant!!!!

Friday morning, 8:17 am 

Kid - Sorry, Mommy. I'm all ready now - wait, these shoes hurt my heels!
Me -  #*#&$#!!!
Kid - I'm not wearing them to school. Pwthmf!!
Me -  I! Wh!You!But!
Dad - Here comes the bus ...  droopdawg
Kid - Ohmigoshthebusbyeeveryone

(Door slams. Silence.) 


Unknown said...

Ah, you're missing a key response: "Then go naked, darling." Only works if child won't take you up on it.

Alison DeLuca said...

Perfect! But I'm afraid I'll have to work up my nerve to use that one...

Johanna Garth said...

I just smile sweetly and say, "then I guess you won't go to school today. I'll be working so you'll have to quietly entertain yourself in your room."

It strikes terror into both their hearts!

Alison DeLuca said...

I'm so glad I blogged this. I'm getting some fantastic Mum weapons to add to my arsenal. Thanks!

Carlie Cullen said...

HaHaHa! I cracked up when I read this - talk about get a mental picture. Lol

I wouldn't have dared to use Johanna's one with my daughter - she would have thought all her birthdays had come at once!

My answer would have been "you have two choices, sweetie. Either you sort this out yourself or I'm going to find the most ridiculous ugly outfit I can and make you wear that!" Or if I'm feeling calmer, "I'll make you wear pink!"

You can NEVER let them win or the little darlings will trample all over you. It's a psychological battle of wits; you can let them win a minor skirmish occasionally, but never the war!

Good luck hun & keep smiling! :o)