Airplane Movies

I'm back from a trip to England with my sister, and more on that later this week. I'll start by describing how I ended up watching Breaking Dawn with her, and how I realized that the big sister / little sister relationship never goes away.

Watching movies on planes is one of my very favorite things to do in the air. On the way to England, we had a newer BA jet. We could select our own films. My daughter picked "Chipwrecked," as did her cousin, and my sister and I watched "Contagion."

I'd sit in that seat. I'd drink that drink.

Yeeeeah. That's about germs and diseases and stuff. NOT a good movie to watch on a plane. As soon as  I got sucked into the story, the guy behind me started hacking out a lung. But by then the storyline was too interesting and I couldn't stop watching.

Rule of thumb: never watch a movie on a plane where actors have to wear this gear.

On the way back we flew on an older BA jet. Still, there was a variety of movies and I saw that Tintin was playing.

Tintin! THRILLLL!!!!! Didn't I just visit the Tintin shop in Covent Gardens? And wasn't I bringing home a Snowy T-shirt for my daughter and a Captain Haddock shirt for myself?

Dude, paw bump. That's how I felt about that last movie.

Settle back, plug kid into the Moshi Monsters comic book I bought her, hand round mini Flake bars to everyone. Turn on movie....

which does not work.

No Tintin.

My Week With Marilyn didn't work either, and that was my second choice.

I tried J. Edgar next. Leo, I love you, but - that was not the frivolous crossing-the-Atlantic-with-my-sister-experience that I was looking for. When I watch J. Edgar, I think I have to be at a desk, in a suit, with a ruled notebook. And a hat. Yes, definitely a hat.

By default, then, my sister and I both ended up watching Breaking Dawn Part 1. I had already seen it and read the books, and she hadn't done either. Which meant that as we watched, she kept nudging me to answer her questions. 

You brute! And you destroyed the bed cushions as well!

Here's how the conversation went, and remember that at each question, I had to take off my headphones, answer her, and then get those suckers back on.

*Must insert a SPOILER ALERT here (Like no one has heard of the storyline by now! Ha!) (Except for my sister, as we shall soon learn.)

Sister: Why is Edward wrecking the bed?

Me:  Oh, he's superstrong because he's a vampire.

Sister: Being a vampire makes you superstrong?

Me: Yes.

Sister: Why are the wolves all upset?

Me: Bella's getting pregnant with a vampire breaks the treaty.

Sister: Why?

Me: Because the pregnancy is killing her, and if a vampire kills someone, that nullifies the treaty between the werewolves and the vampires.

Sister: Oh, that makes perfect sense. Not.

Sister: Did Kristen Stewart starve herself for that role? Because, ew.

Me: No, it's CGI.

Sister: OK, Whew.

Sister: Wait, is she going to drink - OH DEAR GOD! NO!

All other passengers on plane: *Turn around in seats to look at her*

Me: *Deep, deep sigh.*

Sister: What the hell is Edward doing??

Me: Well, you see, the baby can't get out and the scalpels don't work. So he has to bite her open.

Sister: *gives me a long, hard stare.* You read this stuff?

Sister: Why did Jacob just fall on one knee?

Me: Oh! Well, werewolves imprint when they mate, just like real wolves do. Jacob just imprinted on Renesmee, the baby.

Sister: But I thought he was in love with Bella?

Me: Yes, but he was in love with the part of her that would eventually become Renesmee, her daughter. Just as that part of  Bella was in love with Jacob.

Sister: Well, we are out of our depth here.

What have we learned here? 

1. Never watch Contagion on a plane. It's number Two on the Movies Not To Watch On Planes list, right after Snakes on a Plane.

2. Little sisters still can interrupt the flow of the movie, even when you are both married with children. Some thing never change.

The Adventures of Tintin

I for one look forward to the Tintin movie. I've always been a Tintin buff, and here is why:

1. The characters. Tintin himself is such an original creation. He is between a teen and an adult, and his closest relationship is with his dog, Snowy, and his friend Captain Haddock. That's it. No girlfriend, no love interest at all, in fact.

Then there is the Captain, who is always on the lookout for whiskey or his pipe. Plus, he has a wonderful way with curse words. No drat or dang for him; no, Captain Haddock is all:

No one does Anger like the Captain.

And Snowy the dog, who at times has a wonderful continuing conversation with the readers. My daughter loves him.

I can relate

2. The adventures: My favorite was always Red Rackham's Treaasure, and it is featured prominently in the movie! Hurray! There is a treasure search, underwater explorations, pirates, and a submarine that looks like a shark. YESSS.

3. The art: Herge, the author and artist of the Tintin stories, was an incredible draftsman. His neat, detailed drawings are not only beautiful but  also advance the story.

4. OK, here's the rub: The books aren't all PC. In fact, some of them are pretty darn UN correct. Alas, Herge was a product of his times and used cultural stereotypes that were simply appalling. I refuse to read, for example, Tintin in the Congo. Not only is it dreadful, socially, but it's one of the weakest Tintin stories.

5. Now that I've made that point, back to the adventure. If you never have read a Tintin book, do yourself a favor and read The Secret of the Unicorn or Cigars of the Pharoah or Explorers on the Moon or The Castafiore Emerald. And let me know if you plan to see the movie.