Airplane Movies

I'm back from a trip to England with my sister, and more on that later this week. I'll start by describing how I ended up watching Breaking Dawn with her, and how I realized that the big sister / little sister relationship never goes away.

Watching movies on planes is one of my very favorite things to do in the air. On the way to England, we had a newer BA jet. We could select our own films. My daughter picked "Chipwrecked," as did her cousin, and my sister and I watched "Contagion."

I'd sit in that seat. I'd drink that drink.

Yeeeeah. That's about germs and diseases and stuff. NOT a good movie to watch on a plane. As soon as  I got sucked into the story, the guy behind me started hacking out a lung. But by then the storyline was too interesting and I couldn't stop watching.

Rule of thumb: never watch a movie on a plane where actors have to wear this gear.

On the way back we flew on an older BA jet. Still, there was a variety of movies and I saw that Tintin was playing.

Tintin! THRILLLL!!!!! Didn't I just visit the Tintin shop in Covent Gardens? And wasn't I bringing home a Snowy T-shirt for my daughter and a Captain Haddock shirt for myself?

Dude, paw bump. That's how I felt about that last movie.

Settle back, plug kid into the Moshi Monsters comic book I bought her, hand round mini Flake bars to everyone. Turn on movie....

which does not work.

No Tintin.

My Week With Marilyn didn't work either, and that was my second choice.

I tried J. Edgar next. Leo, I love you, but - that was not the frivolous crossing-the-Atlantic-with-my-sister-experience that I was looking for. When I watch J. Edgar, I think I have to be at a desk, in a suit, with a ruled notebook. And a hat. Yes, definitely a hat.

By default, then, my sister and I both ended up watching Breaking Dawn Part 1. I had already seen it and read the books, and she hadn't done either. Which meant that as we watched, she kept nudging me to answer her questions. 

You brute! And you destroyed the bed cushions as well!

Here's how the conversation went, and remember that at each question, I had to take off my headphones, answer her, and then get those suckers back on.

*Must insert a SPOILER ALERT here (Like no one has heard of the storyline by now! Ha!) (Except for my sister, as we shall soon learn.)

Sister: Why is Edward wrecking the bed?

Me:  Oh, he's superstrong because he's a vampire.

Sister: Being a vampire makes you superstrong?

Me: Yes.

Sister: Why are the wolves all upset?

Me: Bella's getting pregnant with a vampire breaks the treaty.

Sister: Why?

Me: Because the pregnancy is killing her, and if a vampire kills someone, that nullifies the treaty between the werewolves and the vampires.

Sister: Oh, that makes perfect sense. Not.

Sister: Did Kristen Stewart starve herself for that role? Because, ew.

Me: No, it's CGI.

Sister: OK, Whew.

Sister: Wait, is she going to drink - OH DEAR GOD! NO!

All other passengers on plane: *Turn around in seats to look at her*

Me: *Deep, deep sigh.*

Sister: What the hell is Edward doing??

Me: Well, you see, the baby can't get out and the scalpels don't work. So he has to bite her open.

Sister: *gives me a long, hard stare.* You read this stuff?

Sister: Why did Jacob just fall on one knee?

Me: Oh! Well, werewolves imprint when they mate, just like real wolves do. Jacob just imprinted on Renesmee, the baby.

Sister: But I thought he was in love with Bella?

Me: Yes, but he was in love with the part of her that would eventually become Renesmee, her daughter. Just as that part of  Bella was in love with Jacob.

Sister: Well, we are out of our depth here.

What have we learned here? 

1. Never watch Contagion on a plane. It's number Two on the Movies Not To Watch On Planes list, right after Snakes on a Plane.

2. Little sisters still can interrupt the flow of the movie, even when you are both married with children. Some thing never change.

The Drive In

My friends and I used to love the drive-in. There were several necessary items for a truly great night there:

An old fashioned beach chair, the kind with really creaky joints that looked like squashed foil.

A newspaper, for finding the very worst horror movies showing,

Old blankets.

My girlfriend's VW beetle

The newspaper (it was always the Daily Local News) came first. We looked for real dreck to watch, and the 70's served up plenty of it. We're talking shows like "Humongous," "Swamp Thing, and "Killdozer."

Now that I think about it, Swamp Thing was a bit too classy for our tastes. We needed stuff that was so bad it was good, that we could provide alternate lines for during the show, with really really really cheesy effects.

We paid, parked up on the hill, and dragged out the fraying lawn chairs. The movie would start, and we  yukked it up to our heart's content, laughing and being loud with no fear of annoying "serious moviegoers."

As the night grew chilly, we'd pull out the old blankets and huddle under them.

At that point, one movie would end, and we experienced the very best part of going to drive ins:

REALLY BAD COMMERCIALS FOR THE DRIVE IN SNACK BAR

Yes, complete with purplish cinematic tones, dudes in polyester slacks chowing down on hot dogs and tacos, and unlikely looking tykes with missing teeth and corkscrew curls receiving drinks with a heckuva lot of ice. Plus, sometimes there was a song to go with it all that glory! Heaven!

The second movie would start, the classier one. We would chat and get all teen angsty and stuff and say how philosophical Swamp Thing was and how it was a metaphor for Man's Inability to Get Along With Nature or some such.

At that point, my sister usually fell asleep.

The crickets chirpped, the mosquitos bit in droves, and the honeysuckle hung on the air. We laughed and folded up the chairs, stuffed them in the back of the VW,  roused my sister, and we all drove to Denny's.

Is there anything better than that? There are still drive ins around, I hear, and you can pack the family in and plan a trip to see one in a few last holdouts.

Bet they won't be able to see Killdozer, though.