Thursday, May 30, 2013

Carnival Time Again, EEK

Oh no, it's that time of year again. I have to lug my sweaty behind to the 

school carnival, 

along with two excited 8 year olds who view the entire event as a sort of prom for elementary kids. They are going to run into all their friends, while I juggle sunscreen, bug spray, and carny food. 

I just know it.

Not always such a grouch, but the school carnival really is Hell Night for parents. First, we have to load our kids onto rides that grooooooaaaaaan and squeak as the children are strapped in and whirled into Centrifugal torture. They seem to like it pretty well; I turn away and try not to eye the one bolt coming loose on the structure.

It's Catholic school, so we do get to watch the priests aim for each other at the dunk tank. It's the one highlight, when Father Fernando gets a soaking. Winning!
Who has two left hands and wants to dunk the guy in a full suit? This gal!

I've got my tactics down for hustling kids past the Overpriced / Cheapo toy game stalls. "You've already got five of those at home... win anymore and we'll all have to move out to the garage... look, funnel cake..."

Yes, I will feed the child batter deep-fried in mystery oil rather than carry home another rubber duck or three foot long fuzzy python stuffed with old cleaner bags.

We can relax in the food tent, except the band there always turns the volume up to "Eleven" and I like my eardrums. So, no.

Sit and get a face henna tattoo that you'll wash off in twenty minutes? And pay many dollars for that experience? I think not.

Am I the only one who eyes up the "fresh lemonade" stand and wonder, Do they wash those lemons?

At eight o'clock, the vampires come out. Goth dudes and girls appear, with black lipstick and micro shorts over tattered fishnets. I LOVE it when they show up, because at that point we really need to get home and wash off several centimeters of machine lube and sugar.

Yup, Carnival Night. 


Unknown said...

Oh My Gawd! I knew we were separated at birth. The guy who made our lemonade at our hometown carnival last year didn't even wash his hands--or the lemons, AND he was eating a big slurpy gyro when we walked up!
GAAAAAAAA! I developed an eye-twitch on the spot.
(*Need clarification on the material that was stuffing the three foot long python. I know what you mean--but then I don't.)
~Just Jill the Jermaphobe

Alison DeLuca said...

Hi, Jill! Yes, I'm talking about those seriously cheap stuffed animals. The fur feels like petroleum byproduct and the stuffing has some funky crinkle to it, like they snuck into my husband's closet, stole all his old dry cleaner bags, and used them to stuff the prize pythons / monkeys / Sponge Bobs.

In any case, I'm a sap. I broke down and allowed my kid to play the carnival game last night. We had a brand new stuffed dolphin, and he only cost us thirty dollars! Jealous much? :P

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Unknown said...

Dearest Alison,
My sympathies. At least it wasn't a live goldfish.
~ Jill

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