Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Weird Workouts

Last summer I confidently climbed into a pair of waterskis and prepared to get towed. It had been fifteen years prior since I had skied, and back then I had popped right up. So I just knew I could do the same again.

Yeahhhhhh - that didn't happen. My aging arms simply could NOT hang on the rope. We tried again and again, and the darn thing slid out of my grasp. No waterskiing for me.

It's at times like these that I realise - I'm getting old. And it stinks. And, furthermore, I refuse to sit back and let it happen.

After that debacle, I began chest and arm press-ups to add muscle that had wasted away from - what, exactly? I thought writing novels gave you biceps? Hm.

This weekend we went snow skiing. I fared better than on the water; but I could feel that my quads were in need of work. I decided this, actually, after my legs gave out halfway down a hill and Momma took what is known as a Yard Sale.

Once I gathered up my skis, helmet, gloves, and poles, and got myself down the hill (a quivery, whimpering mess at that point, ready for comfy shoes and a long beer) I decided that I would add squats to the press-ups daily regimen.

And this gets thrown in with all the rest of the exercises, designed to keep me Hanging Grimly On: Kegels, double chin lifts, face wiggles (I really do wiggle my face daily; it's something to do with the ears) plus Brain Fizzes to keep THAT thing going. 

Age is an avalanche, and as the boulders and rubble crash down on me, I crawl back up the cliff, clinging on with my fingertips. Did I say crawl back up? No, I try not to get eroded too much. 

All this from someone who finds Age beautiful. It's just that if I accept that I can no longer ski, doesn't that sweep me further down the mountain in one fell swoop? Rage, rage against the dying of the light and muscle tone, but I wouldn't say no to a hot cup of tea while I'm doing that rage deal.

So, next year I'll hop back on my snow skis and go for it, hopefully with tighter legs and a smile on my face. Don't look for me on the double black diamonds, though - more likely that I'll be on slopes with "Puff" and "Marshmallow" in the titles.


Hart Johnson said...

I think I pulled something reading this. I can't even IMAGINE trying to waterski right now. And I haven't snow skied since I became a mom 18 years ago this month... So I hear you. I've been trying to lose weight, but I KNOW I need to add some of these strengthening things, too...

Sarah Allen said...

You are so much braver than me ;)

Sarah Allen
(From Sarah, With Joy)