Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Top 10 Reasons NOT to Post My Junk on the Web

10. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, and I am certain you did too.

9. I've got laundry to do.

8. When I go to a meeting of the PTO, I don't want the  first image in the minds of parents and principals and vice-principals to be THAT. Especially not the vice principal - she scares me.

7. I'm fifty. Get off my lawn.

6.  My camera started laughing hysterically and shut down by itself. Now it refuses to start up, even if I tempt it with cries of Pretty landscape! Squirrel! or - oh, lord, anything  I type here just suddenly sounds incredibly obscene.

5. Waxing? Hello??!! Let's just not even go there, okay?

4. I just decided to read all of War and Peace, in the  original Russian, instead.

3., I hear that  phone books can be folded into cool seasonal figurines, if  you go page by page. Should only take me twenty hours!

2. Did I mention that I'm fifty?

1. I have heard a rumor  that  if you  do that - you know - that thing, then OTHER PEOPLE MAY SEE IT.  I know, crazy, but there it is.


Anonymous said...

Yeah! Get off my lawn! You crack me up!

Hart Johnson said...


Yeah, I may be naked, but you have to come see me in person to see it. Then again I am not an omnipotent politician--then SURELY everyone wants to see my junk...

Johanna said...

Hah! I'll take the folding the phone book option please!