Power Outage

Saturday evening we were out by the pool. It was an ungodly hot day, and the air still steamed even though it was nighttime. My kid and I played Otter in the water and my husband watched lazily from the side, beer in hand.

NOT our pool.

I began to notice that my kid was getting harder to see. I looked up, and the sky had turned a weird, greenish-black color. We realized that one doozey of a storm was about to erupt.


We rushed inside, leaving a trail of drips behind us. The sky got blacker and - twistier - and all of a sudden - it struck.

Wind slammed the house along with a deafening clap of thunder. Rain blasted the windows. The dark sky lit up with forks of lightning, and when they passed, the house stayed in darkness.


The power was out.


When you lose electricity, the house moans a defeated "Ahhhhhh" as it settles into silence. The storm had been so violent and fast-moving that the sun came back out.


Our reaction was one of disbelief when we looked out the windows. Everything had been blown down - chairs, umbrellas, tree limbs, our cool little fig tree... It was amazing how much damage had racked up in less than ten minutes.


Time to hunt for candles! I pulled out jars, old birthday candles, anything I could find. My husband and I told each other, for the fiftieth time, that it really was time to get a decent flashlight. 

We settled in the family room and played Uno by candlelight. Our kid won both games. Up to bed, since she was yawning by this time, and she insisted on sleeping with us in the deep darkness (can't blame her.)


Hub and I went out again to survey the wreckage. It was still hot, and I jumped back in the pool to cool off. He joined me and we swam in darkness lit only by the little reading lamp I usually keep by the bed.


The woods are "dark, and deep" and they have a lot of noises going on when there's a power outage, let me tell you. All kinds of things rustle around in there. Without AC units going or the hum of TV's, nature gets really loud, really fast. 


I was refreshed but creeped out. We dried off again and headed to bed.


And that's when it got HOT, and not in a good way. Keep in mind that 


a) I'm a menopausal woman and don't deal with heat well anyway
b) We had a kid in our bed who seems to heat up to lava temp whilst sleeping
and c)No AC, no fan


and you can perhaps imagine the misery. My husband fell asleep right away; I was not so lucky.

I got up and went down to the basement. It was cool down there, but I could hardly sleep among the boxes. Plus, weren't there spiders and bugs down there? Yeah, not happening.


Ended up on the couch with open windows, gasping for a breeze. Eventually I did drift off.


For those who live without power in the heat, I salute you. My mom was pregnant in the summer - TWICE - in Arizona. In the sixties. Which means that there wasn't any AC happening in that house. And she had just moved from Ireland. How the hell did she manage that I'd like to know?


Because I couldn't even make it one night.

Summer in April

Summer came early yesterday, with soaring temperatures and nary a cloud in sight. It's a bit unfair when this happens in April, since I am just not ready. My feet need severe attention, meaning I have to give them a pedicure to go and get a pedicure, just maybe I need to shave my legs, and my skin is fishbelly white.


Sooooo, that means it is time to dig out the self-tanner stuff. I'm a self-tanner pro; it goes with the territory of being the Palest Woman in the World. I know how to avoid the dreaded orange palm syndrome and achieve a good line of demarcation on my arms. Of course, I don't aim to look tanned, you understand. No, my goal is to appear "Somewhat Normal."

You forgot to - oh, I'll just be over there.

Good stuff comes with early summer too, though, and you know what I'm talking about:


1. Sprinklers, see Running Through - Watching your kid do this is one of the best things you can get for free.

2. Those popsicles with two sticks - Orange flavor for me, just so I can get that weird looking tongue. (Blue is too obvious.) And let's not even start with the Ice Cream Truck, aka Kid's Major Begging Potential.


3. Open windows - As long as it's not too hot, I'm going to open my windows and get as much fresh air as possible. Until that pollen wave comes along, of course.


4. BBQ'ed Food - Time for burgers and dogs and foil wrapped fish on the grill! Ever bake a potato on there? I swear, they're so good you don't need butter. And once one neighbor starts, the smell makes everyone else grill too. It's like dominoes.

which leads to...


5. Eating outside - The sun! The breeze! The fun! The flies! 


6. Squirting each other with a hose when you are supposed to be washing a car - (self-explanatory.)


7. Eyeing up the pool wistfully - and then going back to the hose.


8. Flip-flops - I really, really have to get that pedicure. 

9. Tree frogs - Who is the person who works the switch that turns those suckers on when the temperature hits a certain level?


10. Fresh corn and tomatoes - They're nearly here! 


11. Time to plant those sunflower seeds - so that, this year, my kid can grow the tallest plant in the world. Hey, it could happen!


12. And, out of the blue, one last random point - Last night I dreamed about hummingbirds. Does that mean anything significant? Maybe it was just cool for its own sake.

Dude - you ROCK

Time to go and drag out the aloe shaving cream and self-tanning lotion, but at least I'll be able to breathe fresh air as I suffer.

It's Hot.

The pool is beckoning. The beach is too. I have a friend who's been bugging me to go to both. I have another friend who wants me to go shopping with her. For, like, clothes and stuff.

I seemed to have missed out on that fashion gene. Here's what is in my closet: old T shirts and yoga pants from Target. Those shirts and pants were great. I knew exactly where to find them in my local store. Didn't even have to try them on: I walked in, grabbed a shopping cart, wheeled back to the workout section and got my clothes. Blam.

Then  some  fool decided to change the material and sizing. Suddenly I was sporting the dreaded "camel toe" from the new Target pants, and the shirts weren't comfortable anymore. I realized that I was cut off from my clothing source.

Since then I haven't found a new place to shop. And my supply of clothes is dwindling. I'm really quite worried - those  shirts are developing holes, and the colors are getting a bit funky, and I know I have a reputation: Oh, look, here comes that woman in the old Target clothes.

That means that I really, really, really have to go and do clothes chopping. Which means: going out, and selecting clothes , and trying them on.  I have no idea what size I even wear anymore. I was an S in Target, but what does that mean? Does Macy's carry a Target S? No.

To the girlfriend who offered to  take  me shopping - thank you! You are the sweetest person ever! And I am so sorry that I cancelled the shopping date, for  this lame excuse: I have to set up for my daughter's birthdayy party.  Her reply was, "OK, I'll let you off the  hook this time, but - WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR TO THE PARTY?"