Then my husband will get remarried, and the new mom won't make Bub do her homework or go to sleep by 9 or brush the backs of her front teeth, or the fronts of her back teeth! I just know it!
Here are some of the things I suffer from:
Bubble Wrap Knees - That has to be the explanation for the noises I hear when I stand upright.
 |
| Hey, kid. That's my kneecap. |
Nose Tumor - Actually, I cured this one. I had a really sensitive nostril for weeks and was convinced that something was really, really wrong. Took care of it with a big blow.
Mad Housewife Syndrome - My propensity for watching The Housewives of New York, of Ocean County, of Beverly Hills can be explained by a psychologist, I'm pretty sure. I can't be picking that stuff to watch just because I WANT to, can I? It's probably all due to brainworms. Yup, brainworms. Get rid of those suckers and I'll watch Nova every night.
 |
| I know! I'm not happy about it either! |
This last is closely aligned to:
Honey Dipper Syndrome - I'm pretty sure those brainworms are making me play Hidden Object computer games too.
Downwardly Mobile Hair - Why is it all crawling off my head down onto my face? When does this happen, at night? Maybe that's why I wake with...
 |
Dipped in Boiling Oil-itis - There I am, sleeping away quite happily, when I wake up gasping for air and the knowledge that gremlins have turned the heat in the bedroom to 90 degrees. I have to throw all the blankets onto my husband (reason #479 not to remarry - he's used to this by now) and open the window. In the middle of winter. And turn on the fan as well. Scary stuff.
Soppy Sickness - I used to be able to watch melodramas without a box of Kleenex. Now, one Hallmark commercial comes on and I'm a quivering mess.
 |
| Don't they know that GEICO Piggy could lose an arm waving pinwheels around? |
And there are more, but perhaps you're having a snack as you read this, and I don't want to give you indigestion. So I won't talk about the muffin top, the toe nails ... no, let's not go there.
