Best Friends

Is there anything so fragile and so strong as friendship? I have seen people who are dear friends lose their bond, their connection, over a few ill-judged words. But I have also seen friendships survive great illness and tragedy.

Over the weekend, my daughter invited her best friend on a family trip to the beach. We drove the girls to the house, where we all shared a room and two tiny, hard beds. 

There was no access to TV all weekend. The girls had one single iPod they would have to share, as well as their dolls. Other than that, they had sand and stones as entertainment devices.

And - they were beautiful together. My husband gave them wheelbarrow rides (the hit of the weekeend) and dug them a hole at the beach. We watched as a wheelbarrow became a roller coaster and a hole in the sand turned into a castle with secret passages and huge throne rooms. 

The girls did kid stuff we adults simply couldn't understand - they insisted, for example, on draping all the available clothes over their blankets on the bed to sleep. I can't imagine having a ton of sweatshirts over me at night, but they seemed to enjoy it pretty well.

And why did they have to wear matching hats and glasses as they played that one iPod together? We may never know.

All of those experiences - swimming in ice-cold water in a rockpool, going to the local carnival and eating real cotton candy "on a stick!" and hot dogs, watching the tiny town's memorial Day parade - those shared experiences are the slim, glowing threads weaving together to form the basis of a lifelong friendship.

And whether it will be strong enough to last for years and years - no one can answer that question.

But the odds look good.

Ode to Friendship

My daughter's best friend came over a few times this weekend. Kid has quite a few besties, but this one is The One. The BFFE. (or BFFL, or whatever it is.)

Art by Sinful Eyes

My kid and her best friend met each other when they were three years old. Since then they've gone to different schools, made other friends, and headed on different activity paths (dance versus acting) but they remain seriously tight.

They just get each other. They've had scraps and butted heads, but in the end when my daughter has had a bad day, there's only one person she wants to call and talk to about it.

You can't buy that. My kid, whether she knows it or not, has won the lottery. She scored the huge prize. She is set for life.

I've got quite a few wonderful friends myself. I've got my cousin, who was my first bestie, as well as the dance school friend, my sister - first my frenemy, now nothin but love for her - my high school friend, who designs my book covers, as well as other wonderful pals, both male and female, who have stayed in touch over the years.

I learned very early on that there is nothing more important than that. Even when I was caught up in affairs of the heart and OH MY GOD I THINK HE IS GOING TO ASK ME OUT - all of it meant very little, really, without a long phone call to chat about it all. Later on the chats were held over drinks, and sometimes we held each other's hair. 

My kid and her friend, I fervently hope, will go through the same thing, maybe without too much of the hair holding part. They'll text each other and drive over to each other's house. They'll have marathon phone convos and give advice. They'll go shopping and head out for Girl's Weekends. 

Image courtesy of Boston.com

Their friendship will deepen and mature, to the point where they'll just have to look at each other and know what the other one is thinking.

And at some point, someone will ask, "So, how do you two know each other, anyway?" And one of them can answer that they've been friends since they were three years old. 

And someone will say, "Hey! That's pretty cool!" 

And someone will be right.

Parks and Recreation

Image courtesy of NBC

I have fallen in love with this series, for various reasons. First, the characters are great: the writers have created real friendships and tension between Leslie Knope and the crew who work in her section of a small government department in a small Indiana town. 

There's the meat-lovin', Tammy-marryin', government hatin' Ron Swanson (he works in government to try and destroy it from within "the belly of the beast.") He could be a cardboard character in the hands of a lesser group of writers, but there are layers to him, beyond the huge mustache and secret nightlife of playing a sax for a swooning older crowd of women.

There are the smaller roles, such as Donna (one of my favorites,) Rob Lowe who is fantastic as Perfect Chris, April* and Andy, and the smooth delicious mistake that is Jean-Ralphio. And Tom. How do I describe Tom? Put it this way - I have partied with this dude. Often. And the writers nailed it.

The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

But what really sucked me in is the friendship between Leslie Knope, the main character played by Anmy Poehler, and Ann, portrayed by Rashida Jones. First, I'll watch anything Ms Jones is in - she's always terrific. And Amy Poehler - there are no words.

Without great writing, though, this relationship between them could go "sticky sentimental goo" or "women being bitches to each other." The show does neither - there is a real, best-friend tie between the two women. They exasperate each other to the point where they have a huge fight in a club (with  a breaktime for dancing it out and later to hold each other's hair.) They are truthful and supportive - and gosh darn it, they are friends. 

I just find that is a very rare thing on TV. If women aren't fighting over some lame Batchelor or Flava Flav (Why, women? Why?) they're interrupting each other on The View. To see a real, deepening bestie sitch develop, then, is just SO AWESOME.

Example of how Ann is the greatest friend ever:

Leslie: Ann, I need you to text me every thirty seconds that everything is going to be okay.
Ann: Okay!
Leslie: [Phone rings] Thanks Ann!

And when they create an online profile for Leslie so she can get a date:

Leslie: Yellow haired female... likes waffles and news.
Ann: Sexy, well-read blonde... loves the sweeter things in life.
Leslie: Much better.
Ann: Hobbies?
Leslie: Organizing my agenda. Wait, that doesn't sound fun...jammin' on my planner!
Ann: Favorite place?
Leslie: Upstairs there's this mural of wildflowers, and I like to sit on a bench in front of it.
Ann: Really? It could be anywhere in the world: Paris, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon...
Leslie: Nope. Just the bench in front of the mural.
Ann: What about an actual meadow, where wildflowers are?
Leslie: Eww, Ann, I'm scared of bees, mural!
Ann: Okay, what do you think of dogs?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Cats?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Fish?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Turtles?
Leslie: No opinion. They're condescending.
Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.

And this line just sums up the beauty of these two women:

(Leslie is asleep on Ann's couch.)

Ann: I love her so much, but I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face.

*April Ludgate has the best lines ever.

Kindness O'Clock

I'm still waiting for new covers for all three of my books in my Crown Phoenix series. The change of three books at one time requires a great deal of work, so I am going to cheat today and recycle some words from writers with much more talent than I'll ever have.


We like to be green here at Fresh Pot of Tea!

*****

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
George Sand

Happiness exists on earth, and it is won through prudent exercise of reason, knowledge of the harmony of the universe, and constant practice of generosity.
Jose Marti



I am imagination. I can see what the eyes cannot see. I can hear what the ears cannot hear. I can feel what the heart cannot feel.
Peter Nivio Zarlenga

In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.

Francis Bacon

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

A good writer possesses not only his own spirit but also the spirit of his friends.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
George Washington

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.
Plutarch

The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
Albert Einstein

I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.
Maya Angelou

The Importance of Girlfriends

I have read many books in my time, but there is something very special about a story that showcases a great relationship between two women. I've found that having good girlfriends is one of the most important things in my life, and unfortunately that often gets ignored in literature.

I've blogged about books with great female friendships before, here. Today, instead, I want to celebrate the friends in my life:


First, I have my shopping friends. There is one pal in particular who is a genius at finding you what you need. I can call her and say, "Hey, I've got to find a lavender sunshade" and BLAM, she tells me where to go. And gives me a coupon. 


Shopping isn't nearly as fun with a husband; they tend to say, "No, you really don't need that. Put it back" when a girlfriend is all, "OMG, it looks so cute on you! You have GOT to buy it! and look - here are shoes to go with it!" 


So, here's to my shopping girlfriends. You guys are the funnest day out ever, especially when lunch is included.

Girlfriend, just get them all.

Next are my mommy friends. Bub has made friends herself with some lovely kids, and they have wonderful parents. The moms support each other, so I know I can call a mommy friend and ask for a favor. And they know they can do the same with me. I don't know how prairie women did it. Love, love, love my mommy friends.


My author friends are a special class, because we share a certain understanding and insight into each other's worlds. (Of course, there are men in this class too, and they are great as well.) I can sit and chat for hours with my author friends. 


Why am I the luckiest woman in the world? Because I still have some friends from high school to giggle with, that's why. Despite all the weird things that happened to me in my life, my old friends stuck with me and supported me through it all. 


Here's to you, old friends. You truly are better than gold, or emeralds, or chocolate mousse pie, even.


And here's to my daughter, who's becoming one of my best friends. It's getting to the point now where we can gossip and chat and go shopping together, which is just priceless. You can't buy that.


But I've saved the best friend of all for last - my dear sister and best friend. My sister and I have gone through dreadful experiences together, and it only brought us closer. She is a rock, and I'm blessed to have her in my life.


That's why I'm delighted when a movie showcases a lovely friendship between girls or women, instead of snarky jealousy or deadly rivalry. Friends are treasure; they are magic that is real.

A True Kind of Love Story; Or, An Ode to Friendship

There are loads of romance novels out there, and I have enjoyed quite a few of them. Georgette Heyer, for example, is a goddess to me. A well written romance, especially if it includes humor and some nice historical touches, is a delight. I'm talking a rainy day outside, a fire within, me, the couch, and a pot of tea... and a book in my hands.

Nurse Gwen must choose between Dr. Jack or a man about town!!!!!!!!

As a woman, I find romance very important. But there is a different kind of love that is also important, nay, vital to my happiness. I mean the relationship that I have with my girlfriends, the ones I chat with on the phone, the ones who are there to hear me vent, the ones who used to listen to me sob over the end of some great romance in my life.

There are some stories out there about friendships. During the seventies, the move Julia told the story of Lilliam Helmaann's friendship during the second world war. The Turning Point looked at the friendship between two ballerinas.

In the nineties there was that great love story about two friends, The Shawshank Redemption, but naturally that was about male friendship. I'd love to see a female version of that.

I wish there were more stories like this. Friendship is sometimes seen as a background. You have the sassy friend, the supportive friend, the rebellious friend, the bitchy friend, and they're usually there to help the main character through a mystery or a love affair.

But how about the development of the actual friendship itself?

Friendships sometimes grow, like romances, over time. Friends bump heads. We quarrel, and make up. We chat. We go out. We are there for each other, no matter what.

I wish, as an author, that I had the creds to detail that relationship. The story and the importance of friends, after all, is a special thing, and it is a bit neglected.

Anyone out there writing anything about pure friendship?