Saturday, February 2, 2013

It’s Raining Cats & Dogs Tour : "Cat Club"

I'm ecstatic to welcome back the very creative and funny author, David Brown, to Fresh Pot of Tea. We're featuring an excerpt from his book Man vs Cat today.

And don't forget to enter the Amazon gift card giveaway after the excerpt! Entry is easy and quick.


*****



Cat Club
1) The first rule of Cat Club is you do not talk about Cat Club, not even to your mothers and especially not to your owners!

2) The second rule of Cat Club is the same as the above, but I’ve put it in because they do so in the film and this parody won’t work as well if I don’t do it.

3) The third rule of Cat Club is that it is a club exclusive to cats. I wouldn’t normally have to include this rule, but a Saint Bernard came to last week’s meeting believing some makeshift whiskers made out of straws and stuck on with Post-it notes would be enough to slip through our security. Sadly, it did, but we’ll be more vigilant next time! Buggles will not be in charge of admissions to Cat Club in future.

4) The fourth rule of Cat Club is one cat to a litter tray at a time. We have standards to keep here, gentlecats.

5) The fifth rule of Cat Club is if someone dangles a toy on the end of a string, I get first dibs on swatting it. The rest of you can form an orderly queue and wait your turn. If you refrain from swatting the toy, this isn’t the club for you.

6) The sixth rule of Cat Club is you do not pose for cute, exploitative pictures to be distributed on the Internet. We are supposed to be tough, remember?

7) The seventh rule of Cat Club is you leave the awful cat jokes outside. We have no time for them in here.

8) The eighth rule of Cat Club is we each bring a tin of tuna to these meetings.

9) The ninth rule of Cat Club is if someone can remember to bring a tin opener to the next meeting that would be great. The last one turned out to be a bit anti-climatic. Not even the Saint Bernard knew how to open a tin and they’re renowned for saving lives.

10) The tenth rule of Cat Club is you do not ask what the purpose of Cat Club is. If I don’t know then the rest of you have no chance.

11) The final rule of Cat Club is that if this is your first time at Cat Club, you’ll be sorry you ever joined.


Mr B: This list was found in the DVD case for Fight Club. I’m not aware of any Cat Club meetings being held in our house, but, given that Mrs B and I are not always here, I cannot be certain of this!

In the film, Fight Club was the beginning and was soon followed by Project Mayhem. Again, I have uncovered no evidence of such a calamity from the cats, but if I do, you can be rest assured that the relevant authorities will be notified.

*****

ENTER THE GIVEAWAY!

Synopsis
History has known many famous cats - Garfield, Mr Bigglesworth, Simon's Cat, the Aristocats, the Cheshire cat and the Keyboard Cat on YouTube.

In recent years these feline things have replaced man's best friend as the most popular pet in the U.S. while the Ancient Egyptians once worshipped them as gods. This was a mistake and I'm here to tell you why.

Man vs Cat is the story of one man, one woman and the six cats that changed their lives forever. To the woman they brought love and affection, to the man they brought sleepless nights, fear, paranoia and even ruined his jigsaw. Need I say more?

You can buy Man vs Cat on Amazon US and on Amazon UK
and add it to your list on Goodreads

About the author
David Brown could be considered a fantasy fanatic, especially since he has spent the last 10 years developing a 47,000-year history for his fictional world of Elenchera. When converting his obsession into literary form, David commits himself to a rigorous writing and editing process before his work can meet his approval. Combined with the critical eye of his wife and a BA Hons in History and English, David's dedication leads him to his goal of inspiring readers through heartfelt stories and characters.

You can follow David here:
Twitter: @elenchera
Facebook: davidmbrownauthor
Website: http://elenchera.com
Blog: http://tweedling.com

7 comments:

elenchera said...

Thank you so much for hosting me today, Alison, and for your support throughout this tour.

Cat Club, eh? Run by Tyler Purrden. Yes, I do tell bad jokes ;)

vickiejohnstone said...

LOL. Go Cat Club!!! Oh no, I mentioned it... I'm going to get clawed... tiptoes away

Alison DeLuca said...

Lovely to have you, David! *hides false whiskers behind back*

Jill Haugh said...

I liked the Cat Club and shall never mention it...ever. Oops. Being a cat at heart I especially liked Rule #6.

Now I'm going to ask to be let out...then in...and then out again...and then in again...Thanks for the fun,
~Just Jill

elenchera said...

Lol Vickie :) You didn't get far, did you? That's a breach of Rule #1. You're an amateur :)

elenchera said...

Thank you, Alison.

Those false whiskers wouldn't fool me or the cats. Well, Buggles would let you in Cat Club but not the others.

Thanks again for hosting me and for support with the tour :)

elenchera said...

Thanks for commenting, Jill.

You break Rule #6! Oh dear. That's a serious one in Cat Club.

I'm not sure what the punishment is but I don't imagine it's pleasant.