I'm back from a trip to England with my sister, and more on that later this week. I'll start by describing how I ended up watching Breaking Dawn with her, and how I realized that the big sister / little sister relationship never goes away.
Watching movies on planes is one of my very favorite things to do in the air. On the way to England, we had a newer BA jet. We could select our own films. My daughter picked "Chipwrecked," as did her cousin, and my sister and I watched "Contagion."
|I'd sit in that seat. I'd drink that drink.|
Yeeeeah. That's about germs and diseases and stuff. NOT a good movie to watch on a plane. As soon as I got sucked into the story, the guy behind me started hacking out a lung. But by then the storyline was too interesting and I couldn't stop watching.
|Rule of thumb: never watch a movie on a plane where actors have to wear this gear.|
On the way back we flew on an older BA jet. Still, there was a variety of movies and I saw that Tintin was playing.
Tintin! THRILLLL!!!!! Didn't I just visit the Tintin shop in Covent Gardens? And wasn't I bringing home a Snowy T-shirt for my daughter and a Captain Haddock shirt for myself?
|Dude, paw bump. That's how I felt about that last movie.|
Settle back, plug kid into the Moshi Monsters comic book I bought her, hand round mini Flake bars to everyone. Turn on movie....
which does not work.
My Week With Marilyn didn't work either, and that was my second choice.
I tried J. Edgar next. Leo, I love you, but - that was not the frivolous crossing-the-Atlantic-with-my-sister-experience that I was looking for. When I watch J. Edgar, I think I have to be at a desk, in a suit, with a ruled notebook. And a hat. Yes, definitely a hat.
By default, then, my sister and I both ended up watching Breaking Dawn Part 1. I had already seen it and read the books, and she hadn't done either. Which meant that as we watched, she kept nudging me to answer her questions.
|You brute! And you destroyed the bed cushions as well!|
Here's how the conversation went, and remember that at each question, I had to take off my headphones, answer her, and then get those suckers back on.
*Must insert a SPOILER ALERT here (Like no one has heard of the storyline by now! Ha!) (Except for my sister, as we shall soon learn.)
Sister: Why is Edward wrecking the bed?
Me: Oh, he's superstrong because he's a vampire.
Sister: Being a vampire makes you superstrong?
Sister: Why are the wolves all upset?
Me: Bella's getting pregnant with a vampire breaks the treaty.
Me: Because the pregnancy is killing her, and if a vampire kills someone, that nullifies the treaty between the werewolves and the vampires.
Sister: Oh, that makes perfect sense. Not.
Sister: Did Kristen Stewart starve herself for that role? Because, ew.
Me: No, it's CGI.
Sister: OK, Whew.
Sister: Wait, is she going to drink - OH DEAR GOD! NO!
All other passengers on plane: *Turn around in seats to look at her*
Me: *Deep, deep sigh.*
Sister: What the hell is Edward doing??
Me: Well, you see, the baby can't get out and the scalpels don't work. So he has to bite her open.
Sister: *gives me a long, hard stare.* You read this stuff?
Sister: Why did Jacob just fall on one knee?
Me: Oh! Well, werewolves imprint when they mate, just like real wolves do. Jacob just imprinted on Renesmee, the baby.
Sister: But I thought he was in love with Bella?
Me: Yes, but he was in love with the part of her that would eventually become Renesmee, her daughter. Just as that part of Bella was in love with Jacob.
Sister: Well, we are out of our depth here.
What have we learned here?
1. Never watch Contagion on a plane. It's number Two on the Movies Not To Watch On Planes list, right after Snakes on a Plane.
2. Little sisters still can interrupt the flow of the movie, even when you are both married with children. Some thing never change.