Getting Malled

NOT what I looked like at the mall.

Yesterday my kid and I sashayed out to the mall, and I learned several things:

1. Those people who own the kiosk with the iPodTouch covers just outside the Apple store might as well be printing money right now. Thirty two dollars for a crummy plastic case with fake bling? Who's going to pay that? Oh, I am? Oh, okay.

2. If you buy your kid a toy for the stocking because said toy was really cheap on sale and you thought you were being slick, be prepared to go back and buy the ten other things at full price that you need to work that toy.

3. Plop a peace sign and glitter on anything, and a seven year old girl will want to buy it.

4. There are a lot of other people sashaying out to the mall, and parking spaces are quite scarce. I might as well have driven to a Katy Perry concert and expected to buy a ticket at the window as park my truck. Did I do that annoying thing where I followed an unsuspecting couple with bags in their arms to their car because they "looked done," and they "didn't have a stroller?" Maybe.

5. Did I say Katy Perry concert? Monster High dolls are like gold dust right now. Need a Zhu Zhu pet, though (that wind up hamster that I spent hours looking for two years ago? They are giving them away, I tell you.)

6. It is really, really important to keep a child fed with starchy foods. Otherwise, apparently, they do this alter ego thing that makes other shoppers look at you with the Oh There Is The Worst Parent In The World glare.

I hope that you have gleaned something from this, unless unlike me, you are sane and refuse to set foot in any sort of shopping area until January 2.