10. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, and I am certain you did too.
9. I've got laundry to do.
8. When I go to a meeting of the PTO, I don't want the first image in the minds of parents and principals and vice-principals to be THAT. Especially not the vice principal - she scares me.
7. I'm fifty. Get off my lawn.
6. My camera started laughing hysterically and shut down by itself. Now it refuses to start up, even if I tempt it with cries of Pretty landscape! Squirrel! or - oh, lord, anything I type here just suddenly sounds incredibly obscene.
5. Waxing? Hello??!! Let's just not even go there, okay?
4. I just decided to read all of War and Peace, in the original Russian, instead.
3. ...plus, I hear that phone books can be folded into cool seasonal figurines, if you go page by page. Should only take me twenty hours!
2. Did I mention that I'm fifty?
1. I have heard a rumor that if you do that - you know - that thing, then OTHER PEOPLE MAY SEE IT. I know, crazy, but there it is.